Matchstick Affairs
by YokaiAngel
Summary: In a world where Minato Namikaze lives and Gaara's father, Rasa, is actually an alright dad, Naruto loves messing with his own. Heavily Implied RasaxMinato


**Disclaimer; I don't own Naruto.**

 **YA; All ideas are free to use so long as you PM me first!**

* * *

 _My family is temperamental._

 _Half temper_

 _Half mental._

 _-Unknown_

* * *

Minato had lived a good life. He had become a genin at twelve, been apprenticed to Jiraiya, was promoted to chūnin at thirteen, and made jōnin by sixteen. By eighteen he was a sensei for three wonderful children and after three cracked ribs and two broken bones he had gotten a stunning redheaded girlfriend.

Obito and Rin were children who died far too soon, as many did during a war. Their death left behind a grieving teammate. The young Uchiha had given Kakashi hope.

As soon as he had turned twenty Minato had proposed to the love of his life. Kushina had declined and proceeded to kick his ass. Kakashi had laughed for the first time since his teammates died so the older blonde counted it as a win.

His only remaining student had become an ANBU and earned himself his own reputation and the Yellow Flash had Kakashi had moved in with him.

Soon after he turned twenty-one Hiruzen had made him Hokage. His acceptance speech had ended with a completely undignified, "Take _that_ Kushina!" He proceeded to flee for his life.

After two whole months of flaunting his Hokage status in his girlfriend's face, she finally snapped in the middle of a busy marketplace. She grabbed him by his robes kissed him senseless and declared, "If I can't be Hokage then I can damn well be the Hokage's wife! Minato! Will you marry me?"

Minato had said "Yes." Out of pure surprise because he _did_ want to marry her.

Everyone had erupted into cheers and laughter. The whole village had celebrated their wedding for a whole week and Kakashi never failed to remind his sensei who had proposed.

Naruto was born after nine months of hell when he was twenty-five and that was the day he lost Kushina. His brave, beautiful wife had given birth, punched the masked man in the face, before sealing the rampaging Kyuubi into Naruto in her last bout of pure Uzumaki stubbornness.

She had smiled at her last moments. Told him to move on and for Naruto to grow strong. He mourned her.

Minato had lived a good life. And he could continue to because of her.

* * *

Years later when Naruto had just begun attending the academy, Minato was discussing a deal between Konoha, Suna, and Iwa.

The fourth Kazekage, Rasa was visiting with the brother of his late wife, Yashamaru and the Third Tsuchikage Ōnoki had arrived to begin the talks. It was a slow and tense meeting with small passive-aggressive and not so passive comments.

Eventually, the tense atmosphere eased into lingering distrust and the conference continued peacefully.

That is until Naruto showed up. (Minato loved his son but the boy drove him so far up the wall he ended up on the ceiling (sometimes quite literally.))

Kakashi, hidden in the shadows and Inu ANBU mask firmly set on his face watched in interest. The youngest blonde kicked down the door and in a true Kushina fashion kicked down the door.

"DAD!" Naruto roared his foot slamming the door off its hinges and through a window. It was then that Minato came to regret allowing Tsunade to teach his son chakra control, "Hey, you'll never guess what I convinced 'tachi and 'rama to do! It was so much fun!"

Ōnoki raised an eyebrow at the brightly dressed child. Watching the vibrant boy practically bounce over to his father.

The Fourth had earned quite the reputation of Iwa and the man's son was supposed to be hailed as a prodigy that had inherited both of his parents' talent.

"Naruto…" The Fourth sighed, rubbing his temples in frustration.

The ANBU in the hangers brought out the popcorn and started snacking. Rasa watched the Hokage's son with thinly veiled interest and Yashamaru chuckled.

(A habit they had developed as soon as Naruto was born. The reason why every ANBU wanted to guard the Hokage was that Naruto's and Minato's relationship was _hilarious_. In the beginning, it was Minato losing Naruto under stacks of paperwork, Naruto baby barfing on the Daimyo, or tugging A's beard. As he got older it was Minato teaching Naruto the Harashin and ending up in the middle of a small deserted island three days away and dying Minato's Hokage robes pink when the elder blonde had to meet with the Mizukage.)

Blinking Naruto finally took a look at the other people in the room. He beamed at them, "Hiya! I'm Naruto! Nice to meet ya!"

Minato recovered smiling down at his son, "Naruto there is someone very important I'd like you to meet." He vaguely gestured to the Kazekage and Ōnoki.

"I hope we can get along Naruto," Rasa said stiffly. Naruto blinked at the redhead before glancing back at his dad.

All three Kages had removed their robes and were only dressed in their standard ninja gear. The eldest Kage simply dipped his head in acknowledgment.

"Hopefully you'll be seeing a lot more of Rasa and Ōnoki, Naruto." Minato beamed.

After a moment he frowned. His son was not greeting them. In fact, he was just staring at the Kazekage blankly.

"It all makes sense now," Naruto mumbled as he continued to stare at Rasa.

Surprised and more than a little confused Minato raised an eyebrow, "What does?" He asked.

Naruto pointed to Rasa, a foxy grin lighting up his features, "This is why you never liked any of the girls I threw at you!" The whiskered child exclaimed excitedly.

"Wait, what?!" Minato yelled jerking backward, "What girls? Naruto what are you talking about?"

"–Although I should have known you have a thing for redheads after mom and I really should have seen the signs. I mean you wear a pink apron to cook and you've always looked pretty feminine."

"It's a good apron." Minato protested weakly a blush dusting his cheeks. Ōnoki snorted, looking at the most feared man in his village with mirth.

Naruto continued as if nothing had happened before turning to Rasa, "If you're going to marry dad then you better treat him real good."

The Kazekage decided it was best if he ignored this situation.

"Naruto, wait it's not like that!" Minato yelled.

"It's okay, dad." The jinchūriki said in a comforting tone, "I don't mind. Just make sure to use silence seals. I don't want to hear screaming!"

Minato's voice cracked, "Naruto why?"

Kakashi broke into laughter, falling from his place in the rafters. Minato shot his student a dirty look.

Naruto looked at his dad innocently, "What? I don't want to know the kind of things you're into and I bet you his sister or his dad–" At this, he pointed at Yashamaru and Ōnoki respectfully, "–wouldn't want to hear you two fucking each other into the next century. Although… does this mean I have to start calling you mom?" He pondered.

Minato choked on his own spit, "Naruto he's the Kazekage!" He screamed looking completely scandalized.

There was a moment of silence. Yashamaru realized that Naruto had mistaken him for a woman and Ōnoki wondered how the boy thought any of them were related but both waited patiently for the young boy's reaction.

The younger blonde stared at Rasa wide-eyed, "Wow…" He said in an amazed tone "Talk about foreign affairs." Naruto deadpanned.

Minato's voice cracked "Naruto! Where did you even learn any of this?!"

"Oh, well." Naruto shrugged completely ignoring his dad's questions, "It's not like it isn't possible with your Harashin and you know what they say. Fight all day, fuck the night away."

" _NO!_ _No one_ says that!" Minato cried his cheeks seemed like they were going to be permanently stained pink, "Inu get him out of here!"

Practically crawling towards the door Kakashi grabbed the blonde boy and stumbled out the door.

"Good luck Mom!" Naruto yelled before the door slammed shut.

" _Naruto!_ " Minato wailed burying his face in his hands. He looked up to see two amused kages and a smiling Yashamaru, "I'm sorry," The blonde father muttered, "I don't think I can look at any of you ever again."

Rasa placed a comforting hand on his fellow kage's shoulder. Minato smiled gratefully up at him. Ōnoki raised an eyebrow in amusement.

The door slammed open and a young chūnin bowed respectfully, "Hokage-sama! My apologies for interrupting your meeting but I'm afraid that someone painted the entire Uchiha compound pink, sir!" He said. "The matter was resolved rather easily but I'm afraid it doubled your paperwork, sir!"

The other three men winced at the killing blow. The most powerful man in the village walked to his desk and pulled out several cases all of the words In Case Of stained in red and below them was the handwritten script. Upon closer inspection, they read In case of _Paperwork, Naruto, Politics, Clan Affairs, and Paperwork+Naruto._ Minato pulled out a sake bottle and started to drink.

Everyone sweatdropped.

* * *

Somewhere in the afterlife Kushina stood next to a smiling Karura

"Ha, That's my son!" The red-haired woman roared excitedly. Karura smiled contently looking down at her husband with pride.

"Although…" Kushina pondered, "Our husbands don't look bad together…"

The sandy-haired mother's smile never failed, "No," She said pleasantly, "They don't."

"And Minato had always been rather feminine." The former S-Ranked Ninja smirked.

"Rasa had never been adverse to such relationships," Karura added on.

A gleeful sparkle entered Kushina's eyes, "I ship it!" She squealed happily. The other woman simply drank her tea with a knowing smile on her face.

* * *

Both Minato and Rasa shivered.

* * *

 _It never got weird enough for me._

– _Hunter S. Thompson_


End file.
